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themenow in lovingwhatis

Need Help Doing The Work

I need some guidance and hopefully could get some inspiration from you. I'm trying to do The Work on my feelings towards one of my co-workers. Part of my aggrevation for him is his business (but I guess everything is his business, and my business is how I react to it) but the other part is when his business spills into my life.

Would anyone mind working this through with me? I'll put my thoughts behind a cut so it won't be too long for anyone that wants to skip this. But I could sure use some help.

John is an alcoholic and abuses prescription medication that he takes for chronic pain. He's out of the office a lot, which is nice but at the same time very frustrating because he refuses to let the rest of us know how to do his job. He's terrified that we're going to take his job from him. If we ask him how to do things he'll say, "Why do you want to know? Are you trying to steal my job?" We reassure him that no, no one is trying to steal his job but that we need to know how to do things so that when he's not here we can take care of business.

He might be in the office 2 days out of 5, which is very frustrating to the rest of us and to the students we see. Sometimes we can't help the students because only he knows what the problems are. He makes no notes on what he's done to help the students. And even if he did make notes, we would never be able to find the files in his pig stye of an office.

He refuses to seek medical help for his chronic pain and only asks for prescription meds. Then he teams those up with booze. When he is in the office, he is extremely cranky, disruptive and can get pretty nasty with the other staff members and the students. He'll just walk into our offices and demand our attention about things. Then if we're not doing things the way he's doing them he gets even more nasty. So not only has he interuppted our work but then he gets beligerent about the way we're doing our work.

In now way is he in a supervisory position. He's just a regular old staff member like the rest of us. But he's getting harder and harder to deal with. I filed a complaint with my supervisor yesterday after yet another confrontation. I demanded that she do something about this because several of us were sick and tired of his attitude. But it won't last.

So if you've read this, how do I do the work on this? I'm so confused.


Have you filled out the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet yet? http://www.thework.com/pdf/JYN_4QBW_10_06.pdf

It can be a lot more clear once you get it down on paper.
Ah, thanks!
agreed, do a judge your neighbour worksheet ! it makes it all more structured and stops you going off into your story.

How did the judge your neighbor worksheet go?

Please share.

I have learned this from my own struggles with difficult people... they are a gift to help you, like added resistance is for weight lifting. They will quickly show you the places where you are not tolerant and need to improve. Without these challenging people, there would no opportunities for practice.

Re: How did the judge your neighbor worksheet go?

Very true. He's definitely a challenge.

I'm going to do the worksheet today. Did you want me to share the worksheet?

October 2008

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